3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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