i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
