If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
