If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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