who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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