My nipple is on Facebook.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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