And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
