I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
