seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
