Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
