a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
