hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
