hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
