Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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