i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
