im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Can vaginas get frostbite?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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