Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
