i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
