So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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