Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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