2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
