Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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