My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
