Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
