My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I have aggressive nipples.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
