I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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