i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
