The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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