I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
