He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
