theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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