if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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