i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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