dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
