i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
