We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
