the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
