I wanna passion pit in your ass
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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