I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
