That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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