you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Randomize