Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
