i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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