in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
We're using joints as your birthday candles
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
