so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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