I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
