Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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