we're chasing vodka with high fives
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
