Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
tonight lets celebrate not being married
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
