highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
