If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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