Who did Billy Mays play for?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
