I molested 6 butterflies tonight
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
im holly from the hills drunk
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
