On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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