This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
