so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
