He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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