I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
