Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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