At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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