Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He did a backflip because drugs
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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