I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
