Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Randomize
