i jhust puked up my retainher.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Randomize
