The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
