I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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