i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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