We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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