Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
can u get pink eye on your cock?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
