It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
