So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I just found puke in my bra..
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
