I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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