Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
what day is it and did you see me today?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
