I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
We have started to decorate penises.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
