Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
