420 ftw
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Randomize
