I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I don't deserve a penis
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
