I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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