So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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