Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Randomize
